Poinsettias are more trouble than they’re worth

‘Tis the season for buying cuetlaxochitl. This is what the Aztecs called a plant they used for dyes and medicine. You know it as the poinsettia. I am not a fan.

I used to think my father turned me against poinsettias. He was colorblind and couldn’t appreciate the one feature for which people buy these plants. And he hated dying plants, often walking into friends’ homes during the holidays and tossing their awful-looking poinsettias because he knew they wouldn’t. Now, however, I realize I don’t like poinsettias because they are awful houseplants.

First of all, how can you love a plant when most people mispronounce its name? It is poyn-seh-tee-uh, not poyn-set-ah. Its scientific name is based on a U.S. minister to Mexico who sent some plants home to the Carolinas in 1820.

Over the years the plant has been “improved,” especially by one family in California, the Eckes. They figured out how to propagate cuttings and ensure they have enough buds to produce the colored bracts for which people buy these plants.

And, the Ecke family took mutations that appeared in their crop of thousands of plants and developed them. While poinsettias used to bear just red bracts, the Ecke breeders converted them to pink, white and even striped ones. There are some really ugly plants out there if you ask me.

Nice to have colors, I suppose, but why haven’t breeders greatly improved the other factors that make this an awful houseplant?

Let’s start with the life of a bract that is usually less than six weeks. It’s a buy-and-toss plant. What a waste. Most people do not have the patience to try and regrow them as it takes eight weeks of uninterrupted darkness of 14 hours a night.

Then there are their lighting needs. Poinsettias need just the right amount — and kind — of light: bright, but indirect. They burn, lose leaves and drop bracts if they get too much sun. The same thing happens if they don’t get enough light.

Next, poinsettias hate drafts, which is not a good thing for a plant sold only in the winter. And they do not do well with temperatures below 60 degrees. In Alaska, it is always cooler near windows, which is where they need to be placed unless you have a light system. Oh, and their temperature constraints make it tricky to get them home once you buy them and bring them out to your freezing car or truck. Try 65 to 70 degrees during the day and 60 to 65 degrees at night.

Goodness gracious. On top of those problems, poinsettias are finicky when it comes to watering. Their roots will rot with too much water, which is why you have to remove those foil pot covers they are always wrapped in. Too little water and they drop everything.

Redeeming features? I am trying to think of one. At least they are not as toxic as people have been led to believe. You might get a bit of stomach irritation if you eat a bunch, or your pet does, but no one is going to die. You can get a similar stomach by ingesting too much turkey at a holiday meal.

I know this is my personal opinion. Go ahead and buy these holiday toss-afterward plants. If I happen to walk into your home, I promise I won’t summarily dismiss it, even if it is a terrible houseplant.

Jeff’s Alaska Garden Calendar

Alaska Botanical Garden: All manner of workshops from needle felting and a recycled wreath workshop to a solstice candle workshop, and more!

Houseplants: Turn them as they lean into the little daylight we get. Otherwise, risk them falling over.

Orchid growers: The Alaska Orchid Society meets on the fourth Tuesday of every month in Anchorage. People can attend in person or via Zoom. There are presentations about orchid varieties and care. Members often bring or show their own orchids, and excess plants are often shared or given away. In addition to field trips and group purchases, it is fun to meet and chat with people who have similar interests. A fun fact: Alaska is home to 32 native orchids, some of which can be found at the Alaska Botanical Garden. For further information, I encourage people to visit akorchids.org.